Nick Notes: A Legacy of Love

Happy New Year!

Are you one of the millions of people who’ve made a list of resolutions for 2012?

Are any of those resolutions health-related?

Many Americans today find themselves struggling with excess weight, fatigue and a host of other physical problems. Research tells us that one of the culprits responsible for these ailments is excess sugar.

Did you know?

The American Heart Association (AHA) recommends how much sugar per day we should we take into our bodies:

• Recommended Daily Sugar Intake for Men: 36 grams or 9 teaspoons
• Recommended Daily Sugar Intake for Women: 20 grams or 5 teaspoons
• Recommended Daily Sugar Intake for Children: 12 grams or 3 teaspoons

We all need affirmation.  We need to know that we are seen and appreciated, noticed and valued.  An affirmation is a communication whereby one person recognizes what is sacred in another.  Albert Schweitzer once described affirmation as a spiritual act.  He was right.  An affirmation is rainwater for the spirit.  Affirmation nurtures the soul.

Affirmation is more than a compliment.  It is deeper than that. Affirmation is an expression of gratitude.  It’s my way of thanking you for the gifts you bring to the world.  It’s my way of saying I recognize and am thankful for your contributions, your inner beauty, your kindness.  Affirmation is not about judgment (as some compliments are). Affirmaton is about honest gratitude.

Affirmation is an art.  It takes practice.  Some people take to it naturally while others seem to need a little more time to develop this skill.  The more you look for gifts in people, the easier it gets to see them.  And the expression of affirmation becomes more graceful with experience.  As you become more adept at affirmation, you will become more aware of its power.

But there are risks.  Fear keeps so many of us from practicing affirmation.  If I try to affirm you, maybe you won’t care.  Or worse, maybe you will ridicule me.  And what if what I say sounds like manipulation?  What if I can’t make an affirmation sound sincere?  In short, when should I affirm someone?

If you are close enough to see or feel someone’s gifts, you are close enough to express appreciation.  Sincere affirmation is always right, even when a person does not know how to receive it.  Sorry to say, many people go through life without hearing nearly enough affirmation.  Thus they may distrust it when it is sent their way.

The unaffirmed live their lives starving for recognition and appreciation.  Their wounds never close by themselves nor do they stop hurting.  Instead, they remain unhealed until they receive the affirmation for which they long.  Some will wall themselves off and present themselves to the world with an attitude that says, “I don’t need you.  In fact, I don’t need anyone.”  If they are to live without affirmation, they want to believe that, at least, they are in control. They want to feel that they are turning away (and thus in control of) the affirmation that is missing from their lives.  From behind this wall they neither give nor receive affirmation.  Consequently, they separate themselves from a world they are longing to join.

This isolation damages one’s entire being.  Genuine happiness becomes very unlikely.  Enthusiasm for life withers.  But this dreadful condition can be reversed.  And you don’t have to wait for someone to come along to affirm you.  You can improve the quality of your life by affirming others.  Practice it.  Stay with it. The rewards will come. Among these rewards will be the affirmation you need.  When you teach those around you how to affirm, affirmation will inevitably –in time –come back to you.

Affirmation is spiritual resuscitation.  Furthermore, I believe we often hear our callings in the affirmation we receive.  And, by the way, I also think that we are called to affirm others.  Then there’s the ripple effect.  Affirmations move through and beyond people.  They tend to get passed on.

For the next 12 months, I challenge you to do something good for your body and good for the world. The next time you’re tempted to eat a cookie or sprinkle another teaspoon of sugar into your coffee, I propose a substitution. (No, I’m not talking about using Splenda or Sweet and Low.) Instead of eating something sweet, I challenge you to stop and write a Nick Note to someone instead. By the time you’re finished, I’m willing to bet that your sugar craving will have passed and you’ll find yourself feeling happier and more fulfilled than if you’d given into the sweet treat you were thinking of eating in the first place.

Think you’re up to the challenge?

If so, leave a comment below saying, “I’m in!” and then check back with us in a few months to let us know how this one simple substitution has changed your life.

Here’s to feeding our spirits more (and our bodies less) in 2012!

My sweet Mother-in-Love   forwarded this e-mail to me last week. I don’t know who originally penned the story but it’s a great reminder of the power of positive affirmations in a person’s life!

“One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the class on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. She then told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down on the paper. 
The teacher then wrote each student’s name on a separate sheet of paper and listed what everyone had said about that individual. The following week, she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. ‘Really?’ she heard whispered. ‘I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!’ and, ‘I didn’t know others liked me so much!,’ were most of the comments made. No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. The teacher never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents at home, but it didn’t matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another.

 Eventually, that group of students graduated from school. Several years later, one of the students was killed in battle and the same teacher attended his funeral.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one, those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. As the teacher took her turn,  a young man approached her. ‘Were you Mark’s math teacher?’ he asked. She nodded: ‘yes.’ Then he said: ‘Mark talked about you a lot.’

After the funeral, most of Mark’s former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark’s mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.
’We want to show you something,’ his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket ‘They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.’

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the paper was the one on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark’s classmates had said about him.

’Thank you so much for doing that exercise,’ Mark’s mother said. ‘As you can see, Mark treasured his list.’

Then, all of Mark’s former classmates started to gather around. Mark’s friend Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, ‘I still have my list. It’s in the top drawer of my desk at home.’

Brad’s wife said, ‘Brad asked me to put his in our wedding album.’

’I have mine too,’ Amanda said. ‘It’s in my diary’



Then Brittany, another classmate, reached into her purse, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. ‘I carry this with me at all times,’ Brittany said , “I think we all saved our lists’.”

What made these lists so important to these students? It was the way the words of affirmation and praise from their peers made them feel. When we express our love verbally to another person, they feel good for that moment but when we take the time to put our words of appreciation in writing, we give the recipient a lasting reminder that they can read and re-read time and time again when self-doubt and low self-esteem causes them to question their value in the world.

Giving someone a Nick Note may  seem like  a small thing but what is only a small gesture to you and only takes a few moments of your time might become a lasting keepsake that encourages a child, adult, friend, spouse or loved one for years to come.

Keep sending out those Nick Notes!

A dear friend recently gifted me with a book called, “If Only I Knew” by Lance Wubbels. One particular section of the introduction jumped out at me when I read it and beautifully summed up the purpose and goal of the Nick Note movement. The author writes:

“We live in an uncertain world. When we leave home in the morning, we assume we will return in the evening. When we say good-bye to loved ones, we take it for granted we will see them again. We presume they know we love them, so we seldom say the words. Unfortunately, we fail to consider the mortal reality that this may not be the case…until it’s too late. Tomorrow does not always come.”

November 28, 2011 never came for Nick. When I said goodbye to him and told him I loved him the evening before his untimely death, I had no idea at the time that those would be the last words I would ever speak to him. Nothing gives me greater peace now than the assurance that my child KNEW I loved him because I stopped and took a moment- a moment… to tell him.

As we approach the holiday season, our thoughts naturally turn to the people closest and dearest to us. I challenge you this season to put aside the business of shopping, meal planning and decorating for just a few moments and ask yourself when you last TOLD the people you love how you feel about them. Are you presuming they know of your love as Lance Wubble suggests, or have they been assured of it recently by your words and actions?

This year as you wrap gifts for friends and family, instead of reaching for a traditional gift tag, why not attach a Nick Note to your gift instead? As you purchase candy and toys for stocking stuffers, stuff a Nick Note in your family members’ stocking and tell them why they’re special to you. Why not give your child’s teachers, your clergyman, your hairdresser and other people in your life a small gift attached to a Nick Note that tells them you appreciate their service all year?

I’m betting that your words of affirmation, however quickly or sloppily jotted down, will be treasured far greater and far longer than whatever gift they’re attached to.

Welcome to “Nick Notes”!

Nicholas Polk was a kind, loving boy with a sweet, contagious smile who always tried to make everyone around him feel good. In honor of his memory, we have created this website and the “Nick Note” concept so his legacy of love will live on.

What is a “Nick Note”? It’s a special message of love and appreciation that you give to another person.

This message can be given to someone in writing or pasted on their Facebook page. Don’t forget to include the address of this website at the bottom of your note! http://www.nicknotes.org

Then, after the person you’ve chosen to receive a Nick Note receives it, they should leave a comment here telling the world how that “Nick Note” made them feel! Over time, we believe this website will become a beautiful testimony to the power of positive words in a person’s life!

Who can you lift up with a Nick Note today?